It’s always really tempting the moment you give your blag a category for “STUFF THAT AFFECTS THE GROUP!!!!111” to overuse it and be all “ZOMG I’M AWAY THIS WEEKEND NO RELEASES OK” guys and such with increasing frequency that it kind of defeats the purpose of drawing attention to one’s absence. In this case however, I feel it’s slightly justified.
To be blunt, a combination of various things has just taken the magic out of fansubbing for me. It’s been that way for a while now, probably a few months if not more, where I kind of find myself translating by rote 90% of the time and just relying on the other 10% to try and fix up and inject a bit of personality into my writing. As far as translating as a hobby goes, fansubbing is probably one of the least fun ways of doing it. I enjoy translating in all it’s forms, and it’s not something I intend to give up, but I find it increasingly difficult to maintain both my sense of motivation, and my ability to actually get into the zone of writing that is actually required to write something that doesn’t sound absolutely ghastly.
As such, I feel like it’s both unfair to both you, as people who view the work we do, and to my coworkers to maintain the expectation that I can keep up any kind of decent schedule with my translating. For the shows we work on that, let’s face it, are written with a young and easily-excited audience in mind, the ability to inject enthusiasm into your writing and keep that optimistic tone flowing is absolutely essential, and I’m just not in the state of mind to do it at the moment. I don’t mean that to sound all emo and mopish – it’s simply an inability to channel my ever-jovial personality into my writing, and the more I realize I’m incapable of doing so, the more my lack of progress makes me feel I have to, and the more the entire thing just feels like a chore.
Perhaps it makes me a selfish and self-centered fansubber, but honestly the entire thing is just a hobby. Whilst I enjoy translating, fansubbing stopped being fun quite a while ago, and the general pressure I feel to get things done is draining any kind of satisfaction out of seeing the end result. As such, I think it’s just detrimental to all involved to try and pursue it with any kind of fervor when one just begrudges doing so.
So, while that all sounds very apocalyptic, I don’t intend this as an end to either my work with this group or any of our projects. It simply means that, for a while, things will be slow or non-moving. I can’t say how long ‘a while’ is, but I hate leaving things unfinished, so chances are high I’ll come back to it sooner or later. It’s just a matter of refreshing myself, focusing my productivity on things which aren’t quite as stressful nor demand quite the same level of perfection, and then hopefully being able to hit the ground running again with my motivation rejuvenated and hopefully return to a decent pace of work again.
In all practical terms, this probably won’t make too much of a difference. :V Our current slow pace of releases is mostly down to me rebuilding my motivation enough to get a pitiful amount of work done and then just generally losing it again when I’m reminded of how long it’s taken me to do so. A clean break should hopefully just remove those kinds of nagging feelings and reminders and just let me get myself back into a decent frame of mind again.
That said, there’s a few things that I have either started or intend to get done for people because they’ve already started work on them and I don’t want it to go to waste. I can’t promise they’ll be done soon, but I will gradually work on them at my own pace. Besides, the number of people who’re dying to get their hands on PC5 and have laid off out of a begrudging respect for us is numerable, and I think I’ve reached the point where my desire to actually see the whole thing done by my own hands has just been utterly trampled upon by circumstance.
So, that’s how things are. If I get up to anything interesting or useful I might drop it on the Twitter feed, but expect things to be fairly quiet around here for a while. I expect OOO should continue on fairly unabated as that’s really nothing to do with me on the Aesir end, but don’t take my word for it.